India is a mosaic of intricate, colorful memories that are very close to my heart. The thought of home fills me with warmth, and I’m instantly transported to the taste of street-side chaat, and the lively chaos of growing up. It’s a place I miss dearly, often and intensely.
Yet, this nostalgia is always followed by the reasons why I left in the first place. Opportunity, reservation (unfair advantage), and mostly, freedom. Freedom to not be judged, to live life on my terms. In many Indian communities, there’s often a well-meaning but persistent tendency to steer others toward a ‘decent life’ as they see it. It can be as small as a lifestyle choice to all your major life choices (marriage, money, and kids). And while this can be part of our lively culture, I sometimes feel it also creates an environment where subtle comparisons and expectations weigh heavily on us.
This environment, to me, has fostered a ‘crab mentality,’ where ambition is tempered not by support but by an unspoken competition. We smile and laugh together, but beneath the surface, there’s a tension—a drive to outdo each other, sometimes at the cost of genuine connection. This, I believe, affects our psyche more than we realize.
Maybe you think this is an exaggerated view, shaped by my own experiences. Life abroad, with its occasional bouts of racism and loneliness, is not without its flaws. Yet, the merit-based equal opportunities and the financial stability make it all much easier to handle. When I see the Stagnant entry salaries for decades for fresh graduates in India, it’s hard not to feel validated in my choice to leave early in my career.
India is on a remarkable journey, poised to become a global superpower. I couldn’t be prouder of what she is becoming. But as the distance between me and the culture grows, I find myself more alienated from relatives and friends with each passing year. I worry that the cultural chasm has widened too much, making each visit feel like stepping into a life I no longer recognize.
Perhaps what I seek isn’t a comeback, but a reconciliation—a way to bridge the gap between the India I loved and the person I’ve become. As India strides towards its future, I can’t help but wonder—will I find my place in the new India, back to my people or will the distance remain, an echo of great memories that time has altered forever?
In India, the preference for fair skin has a long history, but it hasn’t always meant what you might think today. Originally, when ancient texts talked about the “lightness” of Brahmins (followers of the path of Brahman - The supreme self), they weren’t really talking about skin color—they meant light as in goodness and wisdom. However, as time went on, people started taking it literally, thinking lighter skin meant higher status.
Not all of ancient India was hung up on skin color, though. Just take a look at the stunning dark-skinned figures in the Ajanta cave paintings—they show that beauty comes in all shades, and those artists certainly didn’t think darker skin was any less gorgeous.
Things got more complicated when rulers from places like Persia, Turkey, and Afghanistan came along. These people had lighter skin, and because they were kings and queens, everyone else wanted to be like them. The Islamic conquest brought Persian and Turkish influences into Indian society, which led to the association of fair skin with the ruling elite.
It was similar when the British ruled India—the fair-skinned British were in charge, and speaking English and acting a bit Western became a ticket to moving up in society. Colonial rule reinforced the idea that lighter skin was superior, with British rulers being seen as the epitome of sophistication and authority. Fair-skinned Indians were considered closer to the British and often given favorable treatment. This led to the rise of the “Anglo-Indian” class and a widespread belief that speaking English and adopting Western ways could help one advance socially.
Even today, the echoes of British influence are still heard, as fluency in English and Western habits are frequently seen as markers of societal advancement.
Beyond these historical influences, the global fashion and entertainment industries have perpetuated the idea that fair skin is superior. India’s film industries, often favor fair-skinned actors and actresses, reinforcing the association of the concept of beauty with lighter skin. Many advertisements feature fair-skinned models, and skin-lightening products like Fair & Lovely dominate the Indian cosmetics market. This mirrors the preference for lighter skin seen worldwide, where white colonization and Western beauty standards have shaped ideals of attractiveness. The Matrimonial sites are a joke, once you understand that complexion is a major decision-making factor in selecting one’s life partner.
Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of a world where people are judged by their character, not by their color. This is something we can all aim for, considering that the gods worshiped by over a billion people globally are depicted with dark skin in Hinduism. Rama, Krishna, Shiva, and Kali, some of the most revered deities, are often described as having dark complexions, yet they are symbols of divinity and heroism.
So, one family at a time, one child at a time, let’s shake off this age-old obsession with fairness and focus more on what truly matters, the inside. Let us not shape ourselves and the next generations into thinking fairer skin is somehow automatically better. This leads to extreme insecurity about their own identity, without absolutely any fault of their own.
After all, true beauty is about who we are and how we behave, not how we look :)
I bet you have heard this at least once as a kid.
“Curiosity killed the cat”
People are told off this way, when they are poking their head into something out of interest and asking too many questions, warning them of impending problems, that might not be very pleasant. But that is exactly what’s wrong with the average adult. He has accepted the subversion for far too long and now is a successful product of a rote system where he is waiting to be merely replaced by a machine. Gone were the days, when a degree or a doctorate was good enough. It’s not and has never been about qualifications. It has been about the resilience, the character, and the ability to tackle the challenges, the ever-evolving world that brings you.
Having “Insane curiosity” in things that have an immense impact on the world, will not only leave you to be useful to yourself but others by trying to create more useful stuff for the world. I will leave this short post with a quote.
We are not living in a world that we were born into - Mark Cuban’s Dad
Do you often wonder, about where you are and what you do in life? You are not alone. And it is also not surprising that for most people, the justifications always go back to the opportunities one had, the financial situation their family came from or someone who took a decision on behalf of them. This article, When I grow up, I want to be, shows that around 96% adults never become what they wanted to be as a child. Sure, most dreams might have just been absurd, based on what we fancied a shiny profession as a kid. But it always has a lot more underlying motivation than a child actually reveals (Next time, try asking a kid why they want to become something, instead of stopping at what, and you will be surprised). Eventually we realize the real world needs money, reputation of a decent job among other things and we “settle”. But that dream job was what made the child in us happy. The article goes on to conclude that despite not living the dreams that you wanted, there’s always a way to integrate your interests and passion into your work and that leads to contentment.
Happiness can be a complex topic to quantify because its mostly subjective. Unfortuantely, we see a lot of unhappy people around us, despite living in the most advanced time in the history of mankind. Most of them attribute it to unhappy workplace, toxic boss etc.., It’s true. Meaningful work ranks 2nd in the list of things that make you happy. But also even more shocking is to note that these people hardly take any steps to change that situation. And its no secret that happiness has a direct impact on relationships, health and longevity!!
So, when it comes to doing, simply and unapologetically pursue what you genuinely want to, as if your life depends on it :grin: (because it really does, just in the long run). Easier said than done? I know.
On this World Happiness Day, I sincerely wish everyone reading this, to spend time doing exactly what they want with whom they want and stay happy. Join me on my journey as I figure my own way as well.
You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. Realize that life is coming FROM you and not AT you. - Invictus, William Ernest Henley & Timothée Chalamet ;)
As children take shape of their persona during the years leading to adulthood, it is quite essential that they understand concepts of individuality, independence, and the ability to navigate tough conversations and situations that life presents inevitably. These traits are generally instilled by parents and other close individuals by direct influence or books and other channels by indirect influence. It is notoriously hard to change or inculcate new habits, especially behavioural, because life needs to be on auto-pilot during most of the adult life. The average adult, often does not have the luxury to constantly monitor their own thoughts and compulsive behaviours towards individuals or situations, because it can be mentally exhausting. And lets face it, taking a whole minute to respond to someone during a conversation seems lame. No one waits that long or simply deem the non-response as incompetence. So, some react emotionally and some simply avoid confrontations and tough conversations because it seems unnecessary.
Either way, the more important thing is to live and interact on one’s own terms, uninfluenced by whims and fancies, emotional blackmail, subtle threats or fears. Given enough time for comprehension of a situation, could do wonders to the way, we could respond to it, instead of reacting.
Therefore, take your time :)
Understand the power - for good or bad - of incentives, the weaknesses of humans, the tells that can be recognized when observing human behavior. Know who is “cheering for you” and who can be trusted. In short, be nobody’s fool. - Warren Buffet (interpreted)
I am back after nearly an 18-month hiatus, having forgotten that I ever made a blog post.
But this time I am here with a painful observation about the human condition. Something I lately observe in and around myself in increasing frequency.
Jealousy and Sadism.
Jealousy is resentment towards someone because of their achievements, in most cases, due to comparison with self. This is mostly towards people who we consider in a better social, financial, or x situation than, ourselves, and the feeling of “not being enough” due to a multitude of reasons, manifests itself in the form of jealousy.
Sadism is driven by the need to dominate others. This is commonly towards the more helpless in comparison or the ones that are in some way perceived inferior either by self or a large part of society to self. It is a form of inflicting pain, verbally or unfortunately physically in some instances towards the lesser individual.
The way jealousy and sadism work in healthy amounts between friends is something to take note of as well. Fueled in the right direction, it can act as motivation to upskill and pull oneself up, to the level we feel inferior to. A bit of friendly jostling and mocking is something we all miss in our adulthood. But that is the problem. It never stops there.
Possible cases of friends and family who once supported us loved us, cared for us, and eventually getting bitter are not uncommon. You can get by fine if you are in the social circles you agree to be belittled in. But, only as long as you accept metaphorically submitting and being the butt of a degrading joke.
As for friends, it seems understandable. Who are friends? Some random people you met because of a common circumstance (education, work, hobby..,). Someone who is similarly minded, who you subconsciously calculated wouldn’t be a threat, and who you can let your guard down around. They are temporary. Or at least their appearance is in your control.
But family is different. Family means more. Instances where siblings fight, and degrade each other are very common because of survivalist tendencies, but, recent observations of insulting each other’s children sadistically, make sure that they are scarred and never grow up to be as competent as their kids could be. I find it pathetic that people, irrespective of their education or social standing, stoop to such behavior to make sure the blood of their blood stays strong, by suppressing their possible best competition, their closest family. If that is the only people we want to best, we have lost horribly in life. If that is the limit one imposes on their potential, it is stupidity.
And, the only thing that makes sense in this case, where uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters, cousins and friends act in a way to hurt each other, is for one’s ego. They want to feel better about themselves. Irrespective of how they convince themselves it is for their love towards their own, it is ultimately about YOU.
So, the solution to this madness? Detachment. Disassociate yourself from the world once in a while. Sure, protect your loved ones with all your might. But not at the cost of bringing someone else down.
I will not go spiritual by telling you that the “World is one family” (Vasudaika Kutumbam - Sanksrit). Learn away, compete with yourself. If possible uplift someone else on the journey with you. But at least, despite not nurturing, do not inflict any damage.
Let’s be better by staying conscious of our behavior, towards the more vulnerable and breaking our generational curses.
I came across this idea or a concept of a “Transcendental moment” watching a socialistic POV podcast on capitalism, where it was an image of Lenin standing in a room full of, I presume, revolutionists during the Russian Revolution, all while listening to the revolt against the bourgeoisie.
At any given point of time in history, a great change, a monumental shift, happened because of an accumulation of tiny recurrences leading to that point (Popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). A catalyst or a person (in case of a revolution), recognizes this change or is an unconscious victim to the old paradigm who believes with all their heart that a new system is needed. The people give that person complete control of the new system since it is uncharted territory that they are stepping into and he/she seems to have better knowledge about it, however limited that is at that point.
I believe that an individual’s future is of a very similar effect. Except the person in control is you. The small things that happen every single day at your work, house, or life, in general, seem slightly, very slightly, disturbing. Ignoring them day after day or making “adjustments” is the way we go by it normally. But when that moment comes, the moment a major change has to happen, we often have a choice,
And we often tend to choose the latter. Think about all those times you settled, think about all those times you told yourself it is more important to be happy and watch a movie, go out with friends, or play a game, none of which you probably remember, because you gave in instant gratification. Think what could have been, if you took action.
Terrifying? Good. It is not too late. Instead of lazing off the next time the world brings you an opportunity, act on it.
Hopefully, this acts as a catalyst for your tomorrow :)